Ann – Codependent

Hi my name is Ann. I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ.  I struggle with Co-Dependency.

I grew up in a home with an angry controlling father and a timid, loving, Christian mother. I also had a younger brother. I always tried to be the balance between my parents.

I was born with congenital pulmonary stenosis, which means that two of my heart valves would not open and close wide enough.

I have spent plenty of time in the hospital including three open-heart surgeries and two mini strokes.

Through my mid-teens and early 20’s I did a lot of partying and drinking. I also had a lot of friends who partied and enjoyed smoking marijuana.

It was not until my mid-twenties that I decided to turn my life back to Jesus Christ.

I began a relationship with a man who enjoys marijuana on occasion, as a lot of people I have known can.

Then we got married.

The day after we were married I soon realized that my husband’s enjoyment of marijuana was more than an occasional experience. My first response to this was anger and then sadness. And I dealt with many feelings including being hurt, alone, and rejected.

After ten months of marriage I had my third open heart surgery, and that is when I realized that my life had become unmanageable and I needed help.

I spent ten days in the hospital and ten days recovering from my surgery in my mother’s home. Then I went home to live with my husband. As I was still in a very fragile state I needed care. My husband was unable to take care of me because I was unable to handle his constant drug use.

That is when I started looking for outside help.

My mom had mentioned that through her church was an Addiction Recovery Ministry that maybe I should check into.

At first when I came to ARM I didn’t realize what the recovery program was all about. I was just going to support my husband.

Now I am realizing the only one who can help me is God and myself. I can only change me and how I look at and respond to things.

I am a Co-dependent. I allow the behaviour of another person to affect my behaviour so that I become consumed with that person and their problems. It takes so much of my energy, mentally and emotionally, and does not leave much for me to take care of myself.

I am starting to learn how to let Jesus Christ, my Higher Power, have control of my life.

Since July of 2011 I have been attending ARM and I am so thankful for the support I have gained. I have learned how important it is to have a safe place where others can relate to what you are going through. I have benefitted from having a sponsor and accountability partners and they are truly helping me with my recovery.

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